I’ve heard about the “empty nest” feelings. I’ve sat and listened to those who told of how their lives changed once their nest became empty. My nest will be empty on Wednesday.

It’s such a strange feeling to go through your cupboards and linen closets digging out things you know he will need. Good thing for those who held on to things and have many duplicates. Like a spatula, an extra soup pot, an extra crock pot, and even that other microwave oven that sits in the garage.

I think of the years he’s taken the trash down to the road for me. The years he’s mowed the lawn. The times I’ve always yelled, “This is too heavy for me, I need a hand,” and he always came running.

I think back to the days he needed me so much. I taught him how to walk, talk, have manners, and grow into a man. I’ve taught him to have respect for women and to never raise a hand even in anger. I know he’ll be taking “Sissy” with him. He’s the one who found her, and I always knew she was His dog.

I dug out a bunch of towels tonight, washrags, sheets, kitchen utensils, things I know he will need. I bought him a set of dishes today, a cute comic pattern I know he’ll like. He asked if he could take the dresser from his room and of course, I said yes.

I wonder how the evenings will be now without him here. Coming in the door, laughing, telling hubby and I the events of his day. The jokes he always told. The phone calls will no longer come in for him. His friends will know he’s no longer here.

He was so happy today when he said, “Mom, as soon as I get everything set up, I want to have you and dad over for dinner.” I wonder, “Will it be the chili I taught him how to make, or a pan of lasagna, or a meatloaf, or stuffed cabbage? He knows how to cook. I bought him a crock pot today also.

He’s not going far, just 15 miles from home. But you know…….I’ll miss him. The nest will be empty come Wednesday. His sister went on ahead of him seven years ago. But he’s the baby, the last one to leave.

I know I have to face this part of my life. He doesn’t need me as he once did. He’s grown into a man and I know one day someone else will fill the shoes I once did. Oh, I’m sure I’ll have heart tugs in the next few days and weeks and months. But I’ve got to tell myself, “Don’t pick up the phone to check up on him….let him grow, let him spread his wings and fly the path he has chosen to.”

When he called today to tell us the wonderful news that he found a place, he said, “Is it ok that I leave the roosters and chicken with you until I find a piece of land of my own?” I started laughing and said, “Oh sure, I wouldn’t miss Jurassic park daily for anything!” He laughed also. Sissy knows something is up. I watched out the window today and saw the two of them playing catch, and I heard her barks of joy and his laughter.

We have one more hurdle to cross, and even though it’s not what I would have chosen for him, he’s got his heart set on it. “Mom, my paperwork is all in, I’m waiting for the call to see if I’m sent to the academy. If I go, when I come back, I will be a State Trooper.”

I keep wondering had his brother lived, what would he have done with his life? I missed so much with him leaving me at the age of five. I missed the graduation, a marriage, a career, grandchildren……….sigh.

But…….though there are some slight heart tugs tonight since his “great news”, I have to put myself in his place. When I was his age, I was already married. When I was his age, I was living on a Naval Base, 800 miles from home. When I was his age, I was struggling, saving every penny I could and stretching it a mile long. Yet, I was happy.

I know he will be too.

Sharon Bryant 1946@bellsouth.com

About Me:

I am Sharon Bryant, 59 years old and reside in Alabama.

I lost my child in 1977 when he was five and I write articles on bereavement often.

I am a chocolate/candy maker and also a wood crafter and knitter.

I am married to a wonderful man, and have two remaining children, a daughter 25, Amy, and a second son, Randy, age 22.

My main goal in life is to help those who have lost a child. My website is: www.angelsremembered.tk