My wife was angry the other day.

Not angry at me—I’m happy about that!

But it was indirectly because of me that she became angry…

Not all of the other residents in the home where I live like me. I understand this. First of all, no one can be liked by everybody, and secondly, they all have dementia too! Sometimes they say hurtful things to me, and sometimes they say those hurtful things about me to other people!

This doesn’t actually bother me, and my wife understands as well. When you have dementia, there is no longer a filter in your mind. Whatever thoughts enter your head come straight out of your mouth, even if they aren’t kind and don’t lift people up! Fortunately for me, because my speech has become jargon, no one can understand the unfiltered words that come out of my mouth!

The other day at suppertime, the staff didn’t realize my wife was present, and they asked me to sit down at a table, right beside a resident who doesn’t like me. She immediately began saying unkind things about me to the worker. What made my wife angry, however, was that the worker started to laugh.

I could see my wife struggling to bite her tongue, but it slipped out from between her teeth, and as she looked directly at the worker, she said in her “no nonsense” voice: “THAT was NOT funny!”

Because the worker was busy feeding other residents, she refrained from administering the lecture that I knew was bubbling up in her mind. Fortunately, my wife’s mental filter is still intact!

She was upset for the rest of the evening, and I knew she was rehearsing in her mind a conversation she wanted to have with this worker. It went something like this: “Do you think that just because my husband has dementia, his feelings are gone? Don’t you know that even though he can’t speak for himself, the comments of that other resident hurt him? It’s bad enough that she says such things. But she has dementia! What is MUCH worse is that YOU, someone who does NOT have dementia, think what she says is funny, that YOU laugh at my husband’s expense! If you think that it’s okay to make fun of people with dementia, then you shouldn’t be working on a dementia ward! You have NO IDEA what kind of a sweet and loving person my husband was before dementia robbed him of so much! You have NO RIGHT to laugh at him, and in so doing, to encourage others to continue to make fun of him!”

Yes, my wife does stick up for me where I can’t, and I thank God for her. I am kind of glad, though, that she never delivered that lecture…

It all makes me think about the importance of our words and our reactions to and around others. Is it okay to laugh at someone, even behind their backs? Is it okay to run someone down because they, “won’t know the difference”?

The answer is a big, fat “NO!”

It is NOT okay to say hurtful things about people, even when you think they aren’t listening. Would you want someone to say cruel things about you behind your back? Would you want other people to laugh at the cruel things other people say? Of course not. This is why Jesus said, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12 NIV).

If we could all just live by this rule, there would be so much less hurt in this world.

Paul tells us, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8 NIV). Notice that Paul starts off with, “Finally…”. It means that even though this is the end of a set of instructions, these words should be taken seriously! It doesn’t matter what the mental, physical, emotional, psychological or spiritual capacity of a person may be: We need to think about things that are pure and noble and lovely. We must follow the advice of the apostle Paul to the Ephesians: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29 NIV).

Oh, my wife forgave the worker. She just prays this worker will be filled with the love of God so no further mockery will come at the expense of residents.

Inspired by Rob Chaffart
Founder, Answers2Prayer Ministries