“Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.” (James 4:8a)

A man came unexpectedly to my house one night early in 1969. That was 31 years ago, but I recall his visit as clearly as if it were yesterday. In 1965, I was 40 years old. Having ridden the crest of a long “bull market” that was still in tact after 23 years of rising stock prices, I had become a Vice President of one of the largest and most prestigious investment counsel firms in the country, and I had a lucrative job managing some of the most important corporate and individual investment accounts in the New York office. My wife, Belle, and I had a family of four fine healthy and happy kids, three girls and a boy, ranging in age from 16 down to 10, and we lived in an attractive five-bedroom house located in an affluent community in southern Connecticut, from which I commuted into the city. “On the surface,” it would seem that anyone my age who found himself in such favorable circumstances should be a happy man, and if you had asked me, I am sure I would have said that I was happy. “On the surface.” That was the problem. My happiness was “on the surface” and tentative, which is the only kind of happiness that material things and worldly circumstances can impart, since they are always subject to unforeseen change, and cannot be relied upon.

In 1965, there was a change in the market, and the pattern of steadily rising stock prices was replaced by a series of nerve wracking up-and-down” movements which I had not experienced before. My self-assurance waned, and I began to sense an inadequacy in myself, and an unsettling dissatisfaction on the part of a number of my clients. I had been able to shine while everything was going my way, but I was not able to handle the situation when the tide turned against me. As my confidence was eroded, and my positive attitude became negative, I began to have serious worries that I was going to lose some of my accounts. Nor was that my only problem. Belle and I had been squabbling quite a lot, which neither of us considered to be serious; but now what had been minor disagreements were becoming both more frequent and more heated, producing resentments that went unresolved. Neither of us spoke about it, but we both knew that for the first time we were facing a growing difficulty in our relationship together.

So it was that I discovered that what I had thought was solid and dependable happiness was not. Not only was I not happy, but indeed, I began to realize that never in my whole life had I really known true and lasting contentment, satisfaction, and fulfillment. All these years, I had been living my life for myself, in the mistaken belief that the temporal pleasures of material gain and self-sufficiency were the basic ingredients that produced happiness. I had yet to learn that real happiness and the underlying joy that accompanies it are a matter of giving rather than getting, of caring for others instead of ourselves, and of seeking to serve instead of to be served.

Then, one night, in the middle of all this, I suddenly woke up from a sound sleep for no particular reason. Belle was sleeping quietly by my side, and there was nothing at all out of the ordinary. It was a moonless night, and the room was dark, so I couldn’t see anything, but as I lay there, completely awake, I slowly became aware of a man’s presence, standing by my bed very close to my right side. Strangely, this did not frighten me at all, and I did not even try to look at him, because somehow I knew without question who he was, just as surely as if I could see and touch him. I cannot explain how I knew, but I knew that Jesus was standing by my bedside. I could feel his presence. He remained there without moving for half an hour.

He did not speak, nor did I, but the communication between us was more real than any spoken words could have been. I cannot verbalize what was said, because it was not translatable, but very gradually I was completely filled and enveloped by such a sense of his compassion, forgiveness and loving kindness towards me, specifically, that it somehow purged my heart and released a spontaneous flow of gratitude, unspoken thanksgiving and adoration back to him. This two-way communication, from him to me and back to him, was continuous without any distracting thoughts or emotions of any kind, uniting us as one, and spiritually cleansing, healing and nourishing me. And then, in an instant, he was gone.

Did this experience change my life? Yes, it did, immediately and permanently. Were all the problems and difficulties of my life suddenly solved, my faults and weaknesses corrected, and my relationships reconciled? No, of course not. So what was so different? The only answer I can give is that I now have a sure unshakable knowledge, contentment, and abiding joy lodged deep in my heart that was not there before, and that has altered my attitude and outlook, which makes all the difference in the world.

Contributed by Stephen B. Elmer buzz@c4.net