I normally share stories with you that “happen” to me. Along my everyday path through living the life I’ve chosen, I’ve come across the most fascinating people. I meet them at the park. I discover them in an elevator. They approach me after I speak. They sometimes email me.

We serve each other as guide posts along the road. We choose whether or not to acknowledge them, learn from them or pass them by. Some of us walk through life looking for answers and curse the world for not providing them. We not only have the answers, we are the answers to all of our problems.

I did not wait for people to come to me this time. I searched for them.

My mission was to find out when we feel fulfilled, acknowledged, successful, or validated. I believe that esteem, our image of self, is the key to our image of success. If our efforts in life are recognized, we tend to want to do more and at a higher level the next time. We may think to ourselves, “If they liked that, wait until I do this.” Always striving for better or at least to maintain the status quo.

My target for this experiment was in age groups. Here are my responses:

I asked a young girl, about six years old, “Are you a good girl?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“How do you know that?”

“My Mommy said so.”

“Why do you think she said you are a good girl?”

“Cause I listen to her. I eat my veggies. And she loves me.”

Her slightly older brother standing nearby said, “I’m good too!” He wanted to be acknowledged. He jumped in to get his recognition.

“And how do you know you are good?” I asked of him.

He paused for a moment and said “Cause Mom buys me things.”

So the younger child thought she was good because Mom told her so and related it to listening and doing. The older child knew he was good because he got things in return.

Then I asked two teenagers.

“How do you know when you are doing good?”

“I don’t,” one said frankly. “It seems to me the harder I try the wronger I get!”

“So doing good is based on your idea of what’s right and wrong?” I asked.

The other joined in, “Yes. But the hard part is who defines right and wrong. I think it’s right to listen to my music when I get home after school. My Mom and Dad think I should do my homework.”

“Since we are defining doing good and doing right as the same thing, what happens when you do the right thing. How do you know it was right?”

“They don’t yell at me,” one said and other agreed. “But do something wrong, BOOM!”

So, in this case I discovered right and good are expected, not acknowledged and rewarded. But wrong is dramatically acknowledged.

Then I spoke to someone about my age, 50.

“Are you successful?”

“It depends on who you ask,” he said. “Time is running out and I still feel like I haven’t arrived yet.”

“What is “arriving”?”

“The paid off house, the fancy car, kids educated and a retirement plan. I’m still working on that.”

“But do you feel successful?”

“No. I’m not at the top of my profession. My marriage failed. And there’s no time left.”

This person, at an age some would consider mid life, bases success on things, position and time.

Finally I spoke with an older couple I met at the local mall.

“Have you had a successful life?”

“Oh, yes!” The woman replied. “Yes, I believe we have,” said the man.

“How do you know?”

“She loves me,” the man said with a big smile.

“Yes, but I’d love you no matter what!” She replied as she gazed into his eyes and held his hand.

“Along the way, how did you know you were headed the right direction? How did you know when you were doing the right things?”

“I just knew. I could see it in their faces. If my family was happy I was, too. It just felt right,” he said.

“It’s faith. We had bad times. We did things wrong along the way. No doubt about it. But our faith told us when things were right,” she said.

“How did your faith tell you?”

“We trusted in something bigger than we were. When we were doing okay, life was smooth. When we were going the wrong way the road got rough, ” he said.

“It’s the “That’ll do” principle,” she said and they both laughed.

I had to know what that meant.

“Well, when I was a child my Mother would ask me to do my chores. When I completed them I would look to her for approval. After inspection she would always say, “Well, that’ll do.” That was approval but it left something out. So I’d go back and do just a little more. I didn’t want it to just “do.” I wanted it to be my best.”

“Her Mother said the same thing about me when I introduced myself to her…”that’ll do I guess,” the man said laughing.

“So we applied that principle to everything we did. It gave confirmation to our children for accomplishments but always left the opportunity for improvement,” she said.

“Didn’t your children feel like what they did was never enough?”

“Perhaps. But it inspired them to set their boundaries or discover they had no limitations. It was a positive affirmation that they had completed their task. But inside they decided if it was enough.” He said.

“And now, at this point in your life, have you said to each other, “That’ll do?”

“No. That is not for us to decide. Everyday we still have things to accomplish,” she said.

“That’s what we were saying about our faith. We strive to be better as we hear God say to us at the end of each day..”That’ll do!” His approval is when we are given another chance…tomorrow.”

“Then, one day in a final whisper, we’ll hear “That’ll do” one last time.”

I thanked them for their wisdom and collected all my thoughts.

Here is my conclusion.

Success is a feeling. In order for us to feel successful, we need to see it reflected in the world around us. We validate that feeling through things we possess, people, or faith.

If we lack faith, then we must find our validation in people or things.

How sad it is to think that one’s self worth would depend on the opinion of another or the value of the things we possess.

As for me? I have faith. “That’ll do.”

Bob Perks Bob@BobPerks.com