I Had to Let You Go

by | May 28, 2001 | Surrender

I struggle with it all now. But, I had to let you go. You were staying here for me. I thought about a thousand things and all the reasons why I needed you to stay. But, suddenly one night, while praying for you, I realized that everything I asked for really had nothing to do with you at all.

I was asking for me, for my sake.

They told me there was nothing left to do. I shouted at them, “Liars!” I angrily chased them from your room and then returned to your side that day and stayed there. I felt that if I never left your side then you simply wouldn’t go.

But as the hours passed, I felt you slipping away.

I held your hand so tightly, as if you were hanging over a cliff. Holding on would mean you wouldn’t fall.

But you were falling anyway.

I had to let you go.

I cannot remember the exact moment, but there came a time when my begging God finally ceased. I looked at you lying there and turned my head away for just a moment. I suddenly resolved in my mind that…I had to let you go.

When I did, I turned around, loosened my grip on your hand and you smiled gently.

You were waiting for me weren’t you?

You knew I had to let you go.

In that final moment just before your dawning in another day, on the other side, I spoke to you of all the things I was grateful for. Oddly, it could have taken another lifetime to recite them all to you.

But, you had already given me a lifetime, yours.

I had to let you go.

In that final moment, when sweetness sighed farewell, I felt your spirit lift me up and gently caress my soul. Never saying one last word to me, your passing still spoke volumes. For the very second you were gone, the thought of you held steadfast in my mind for days now, suddenly took on a new life. Instead of flashback moments of times we shared, I saw you dancing, spinning about, running, and leaping for joy.

I realized that I had not just let you go, but God had set you free of all your earthly pain.

“I had to let you go!”

Bob Perks Bob@BobPerks.com


I Had to Let You Go