“The Ache Is There, Does Anybody Care,” transpired from events that happened while my husband and I went through several years of infertility.
Family members, church members and friends all misunderstood the pain of infertility. It was more than the misunderstanding, it was people not wanting to understand or think you over react when you are sad when it doesn’t happen again after the umpteenth time. I had become numb to comments after a while, whether it be positive or negative. I was so lost in the emotion of wanting to get pregnant, that I couldn’t see past the pain.
Sometimes there was a friend or two that would listen, but for the most part I felt very alone. There was a time when after getting off all of the fertility medications that emotions began to settle, and I started to feel like a normal person again. My husband and I began to look into adoption when finally after a long awaited four years, I was pregnant!!!!
The people that I thought didn’t care were there for me, hugging me, crying with me, congratulating me and excited for me. Maybe they just didn’t know how to minister to me while I was going through the pain. Maybe I was so lost in pain I didn’t see the simple ways that they were trying to understand.
The pregnancy started out extremely scary when at 6 weeks along I started to experience some sharp pains in my abdomen. As I requested an internal ultrasound, the doctor on call could not find the baby and was concerned that it was a possible a tubal pregnancy. He said that women who get pregnant after several years of infertility tend to have tubals. Not something I was prepared to hear. I was pretty hysterical to say the least – already panicking.
The decision at that time was to check hormone levels in my blood work to see if the pregnancy was progressing. If it was progressing they had to determine if it was progressing in my tube. The waiting, although was only 4 days, felt like an eternity. They found out the baby was definitely growing according to my hormone levels doubling but the clinic had to wait until Friday to give me the ultrasound. I prayed and cried for several days. And the people that I felt weren’t there during the infertility, were there praying with me and right along side me as we waited for the results.
As Friday came, I was extremely nervous and kept waiting for the worst of results. Maybe this was a protection mechanism kicking in so I wouldn’t be so shocked when I would receive the news. My Pastor, Jeff Williams, who kept telling me that he believed that this time things were different, proceeded to keep his schedule open for me (he’s always been there for me) in case something was wrong.
The doctor had the surgery all scheduled for that day to remove the baby from my tubes if they could not find the baby. That just shows how sure the doctors were that this pregnancy was a tubal.
As I hesitated to walk into the room with the ultrasound machine, my husband stood by my side as they started the process. My heart felt as it were going to beat out of my chest. It was almost unrealistic when the technician turned the screen toward me within seconds of starting the ultrasound and said those long awaited words……There’s your baby Mrs. Adler and measurements look like everything is progressing normally.
I was ecstatic and crying all at the same time. As soon as I could, I ran to the pay phone and first called my parents who were worried and then called my pastor. I knew he was waiting and praying. He was really excited and happy for us. I’ll never forget just what a miracle this baby was and still is. The miracle conception, now the miracle pregnancy…….stay tuned for our miracle birth story. It wasn’t like the baby had scared us enough….he was going to continue to scare us until he was born.
Thinking I was “out of the woods” after they found the baby on the ultrasound screen, I was yet to learn another lesson in trusting the Lord. I struggle with that a lot and yet He continues to be faithful to answer.
At around 15 weeks into the pregnancy I slipped and fell quite hard. I had reason to be concerned due to some bleeding but in less than 12 hours all was okay once again!
A couple of other minor circumstances came up, one of being the doctor thought I might have gestational diabetes and the other being the severe edema I had in my feet and ankles. By the time I was 20 weeks I no longer could tie my shoes (even shoes that I bought that were already 2 sizes bigger than normal). So as the pregnancy continued I began to feel a lot more settled in my emotions. I was finally going to have a baby after all. 27 weeks……….28 weeks………….I was counting down until I could cuddle with my newborn as most mothers dwell on the further along you get in your pregnancy. 29 weeks……………….
I started having concerns once again as I hadn’t felt the baby move most of the day. Usually if I pressed on him a certain way, he would move around. I was so concerned I went into the hospital to be monitored to see if they could hear his heart beat. They hooked me all up with the belt monitor and they found his heartbeat immediately, “But what’s this, exclaimed one of the nurses, your having contractions and they’re consistent”. “What?” I thought. I’m not even feeling anything. How in the world am I having contractions. And plus that I’m only 29 weeks, we hadn’t even finished our birthing classes and by now the trust that took me so long to build-up that everything was going to be okay, was now back to zilch again.
The hospital kept me through the night to monitor me as they gave me a drug to stop the contractions. As I lay awake at night I prayed, “God, please, this is way too early for our baby to be born”. By morning the hospital released me and put me on partial bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy and said not to go out of town. “Ha!” I thought, it’s Thanksgiving in a couple of days, fat chance of that. My mother in law just spent big money for me to have a nice maternity Thanksgiving/Christmas outfit. I had to go.
On Thanksgiving toward the end of the evening, I started having contractions again, this time I was feeling them. Uh Oh! I guess I did not listen to the doctor. I laid down at my relatives home and contractions dwindled down on their own.
After a couple days went by, I began to do all of my normal functions, I was even scheduled to host a dinner for our marriage group that day (Dec. 2, 1997). I was moving over in bed at 4:30 AM as that is when my husband would leave for work. SPLASH!!!!! Now I know that was my bag of waters! This is not good, I’m thinking and my husband is heading out the door for work. I barely caught him as I waddled down the hall of the house, gushing water like a waterfall. This cannot be happening!! I donut even have my bags packed and besides, I’m not due until January 25th. This is not happening………I kept repeating. You are not coming this early and this my dear child is a direct order from your mom.
I went to my hospital where they confirmed my waters broke and they proceeded to say my contractions were mild and I was not dilated at all so they sent me to a more specialized hospital to handle preemies. By the time I actually got there my contractions stopped, but they were not going to release me. I was now on total bed rest in the hospital until the baby was born (Thank God for insurance). Besides some major migraines I was having, my stay was uneventful and this baby was stuck in limbo without its water to help his lungs mature. I was given steroid shots to help the baby’s lungs develop faster and told that they would induce me Dec. 26th for the fear of risk of infection if he did not come on his own before then.
Well, on Dec. 18th our little one said lets get this show on the road. And after 26 hours of intense labour, our long awaited miracle was born. They laid him on my stomach as I had requested for a brief moment as they cut the cord but had to get him breathing as it was not happening while he was being suctioned out. When they finally brought him in to me for me to see, I couldn’t hold him because they said he was having trouble breathing on his own and needed oxygen and proceeded to take him to ICU. At that particular moment, I was so exhausted I barely remember and was not too concerned.
There were many prayers going up for him, even people that did not know me personally at my mom’s work were praying because the doctors kept saying they were worried about him. They also said he probably would not be released until his due date. God does answer prayer because in 4 days from his birth, Dec. 23rd, just in time for a beautiful Christmas celebration, he was home with us. I will never forget that Christmas that we finally held our baby in our arms and he was home. Our baby was home!
This is a song from the C.D. Shout To The Lord with Hillsongs from Australia. The song is called “The Power of Your Love”. It played in my room in the hospital as I waited on the Lord as I was on to me and still gives to me as I continue to wait on Him for answers to prayer. I am constantly being renewed with His love and continue to rely on Him as I learn more and more about Him every day.
The Power Of Your Love
Lord, I come to You, let my life be changed, renewed
flowiing from the grace that I’ve found in You
And Lord, I’ve come to know the weaknesses I see in me
will be swept away by the power of your love
(chorus)
Hold me close, let Your love surround me
Bring me near, draw me to your Your side
And as I wait, I’ll rise up like the eagle
And I soar with You; Your spirit leads me on
By the power of Your love.
Debra Adler Hunsun@ticon.net
About Debra:
Debra Adler is 31 years old and resides in the country just outside of Afton, Wisconsin with her supportive husband Stephen (37 years old) of eight years and her son Caleb, who is not 22 months old. Stephen has been in trucking for the last 10 years but his deepest passion would be to get back into flying some time in the future. Caleb is our adorable son that is a blessing and a miracle that God has given to us after several years of trying to conceive. His favourite hobbies are playing ball (“baw” as he says), vacuuming the carpet, playing on his slide outside, and playing in Mommy’s spices. Debby is a busy housewife, Mommy and Church Secretary with a full schedule. She enjoys singing, baking, writing from her heart, doing Bible Study and scrap booking her son’s pictures. She is passionate about everything she does, especially being a mother. One day she would like to write a book about their infertility story and the dream that Steve and Deb would never give up on…having a child of their own.
P.S. If anyone has any questions or comments you can direct them toward me. I have been able to help some people with infertility but not as many as I would like. So spread the word as I know the emptiness of a miscarriage and infertility and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God always uses our circumstances, no matter how painful they are to get through, to minister to others as He sees fit.
Debra Adler Hunsun@ticon.net