by | Jun 11, 1997 | God's Love, Inviting Jesus, Salvation

Service Representative: Hello, you have reached the Heart Systems Software Company help desk. How may I help you?

Customer: I just received your latest program, JESUSLOVE v4.0…you know…the freeware. I don’t understand it. Can you tell me how to install it?

Service Representative: Sure thing. Do you have the installation disk and instructions with you?

Customer: Yes I do, but first can you tell me what the program does?

Service Representative: Sure thing. JESUSLOVE is a unique program, there is no other like it in the world. JESUSLOVE attaches to your operating system and runs silently in the background, you will never see JESUSLOVE on your monitor or your toolbar, but you will notice its affect on every application you have. It makes the good programs run smoother and greatly restricts and/or deletes the bad ones.

Customer: Wow! That sounds great. How does JESUSLOVE make my machine run smoother?

Service Representative: Well, good sound files, like COMPLIMENT.WAV, ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV, and KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently. Also, FORGIVENESS.EXE will be invoked every time there is an external violation, including the ever-popular syntax errors. Also, all those aggravating errors that say “unable to connect” will be avoided. JESUSLOVE allows for a smooth connection with external devices, regardless of what country it is manufactured in, the brand name, or the age of the model.

Customer: That’s exactly what I need, my machine has been isolated for too long. But what about the bad programs?

Service Representative: Good question. JESUSLOVE searches your memory for programs like HATE.COM, BITTERNESS.EXE, SELFISH.COM, and SPITE.EXE. These programs can’t be entirely deleted off your hard drive, but JESUSLOVE overpowers those programs. JESUSLOVE stops their commands from being executed and runs its own instructions. You will no longer hear INSULT.WAV and you won’t be able to write with the fonts BADWORDS12 or HARSHNESS10.

Customer: That’s a fantastic program you have. Are the upgrades free too?

Service Representative:They sure are.

Customer:How do I get the upgrades?

Service Representative: That’s easy. Once you have JESUSLOVE installed and running, it automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to every External Hard Drive Email And Remote Terminal (HEART) that it comes in contact with. In turn, those external devices run whatever version of JESUSLOVE they have and return a module to your HEART. You will be upgraded with each and every module that you receive. But you have to remember, to receive the upgrades you have to be running JESUSLOVE and you have to come into contact with other computers while it is running.

Customer: I can do that. I’m not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?

Service Representative: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma’am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

Service Representative: What programs are running, ma’am?



and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

Service Representative: No problem. JESUSLOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. JESUSLOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent JESUSLOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Service Representative: My pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I’m done. JESUSLOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

Service Representative: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

Service Representative: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTs in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops . . . I have an error message already. What should I do?

Service Representative: What does the message say?

Customer: It says “ERROR 412 – PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS”. What does that mean?

Service Representative: Don’t worry, that’s a common problem. It means that the JESUSLOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to install JESUSLOVE on your own machine before you can share JESUSLOVE with others.

Customer: So what should I do?

Service Representative: Can you find the directory called SELF-ACCEPTANCE?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

Service Representative: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

Service Representative: You’re welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the MYHEART directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

Service Representative: Then JESUSLOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go . . .

Customer: Yes?

Service Representative: JESUSLOVE is freeware. Be sure to share JESUSLOVE and its various modules with everybody you meet. They will in turn share JESUSLOVE with other people and they will return some really neat JESUSLOVE modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for showing me how to install JESUSLOVE!

Author unknown. If anyone has a proprietary interest in this story please authenticate and I will be happy to credit, or remove, as the circumstances dictate.

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