There have been so many miracles in my life, too many to mention, but the grandest of them all was the day I started living again, that moment when God suddenly made me see that I could live without alcohol, and do quite well.
I had drank heavily on a daily basis for many years. I was completely spiritually bankrupt. I had gotten so low as to live on the street and drink from quart bottles that someone bought. I found it quite easy to get someone to buy me a beer, but not food.
Sometimes I would go to a friend’s house and receive the luxury of a bath and maybe a couch for the night. Those nights were few and many were spent outside, on the cold, wet ground or worse. I even spent nights in a railroad car in San Antonio Texas, one night in a burned out mobile home. I woke up with soot from head to toe, still intoxicated from the night before.
My family had long since disowned me and I knew I deserved it. I had lived with my dad for a few years before it got so unbearable for him that he had to send me away. I know now that hurt him so deeply. I felt that I had nobody or nothing except my bottle of beer and I wanted to die.
I wanted to die so badly and I thought God heard my prayer in my drunken stupor. I became consumed with the idea of the peaceful feeling that death would bring. I completely stopped eating and continued to drink daily, from morning till I would pass out somewhere. I lost so much weight and was skin and bones. I finally went to my doctor at the V.A. Hospital and was diagnosed with cirrhosis. I still drank. It was starting to physically hurt me and I lost control of my body in a way that totally disgusted me. I was in and out of detox and still wanted to die and I still couldn’t give up the booze. Soon as I got out, I started drinking again. It was total misery and I was lost with no way out, or so I thought.
By this time I had started receiving a disability check and was able to buy a small mobile home and had my own bed. I had been through treatment programs and knew there was something wrong with the way I thought and I needed to change it. I didn’t care if the sun came up the next day. I slept and drank.
One day I happened to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I was in total shock! This disheveled, wrinkled old lady was not me. I looked through my tears and realized I had started turning yellow and my eyes glowed. I had become jaundiced and started to itch unlike any itch I have ever experienced before. My entire body itched, especially at night. This was a Hell of my own making. I knew there had to be a way out.
My doctor hospitalized me and, I found out later, didn’t expect me to make it. I felt a deep peace come over me and I tried to pray. My health improved and I was discharged but was still a gray color, the color of death I’ve been told. I went home to my lonely trailer but didn’t drink because I was too sick.
One day, I was just sitting on the side of my bed and a light bulb went off in my head and suddenly, I wanted to live! It happened that fast! I didn’t know where this came from, at the time, I just knew right then that I didn’t have to drink anymore. It was a moment of clarity like none I had ever experienced before or after. I started praying to my Almighty God for forgiveness and mercy and another chance at life.
He gave me all that and more. All I had to do was ask. My life isn’t perfect today, I still have my physical problems and life’s ups and downs but it gets better every day, thanks to God, who is very much the center of my life today. I am still growing and learning as I travel this road I have been given. I am filled with a new gratitude and an awareness I never thought possible. I have been given many blessed gifts, one of which is a book of my poetry which will be in print in a few months. I have my family back now. I have an Awesome Friend in my life who will never forsake me and loves me no matter what I do. If He can do all this for me, just think of what He can do for you! God bless!
Sharlett Hunt [email protected]