One of the blessings received in grief, is the gift of enduring, and learning a lesson maybe few may know. God gives to each, gifts that we are meant to share. Being a young griever, one whom experienced multiple deaths early in life, has given me gifts that even the wise men couldn’t have shared more greatly.

In December 1987, I was expecting our first son in the early spring of 88. However, the Lord decided to share with me, the lesson of pain, grieving, and renewal. On Christmas Eve, my moods changed, my stomach ached, and soon I was bleeding. On Christmas morning, I delivered a silent child half the size of a normal healthy baby, with eyes of unknown color, but ever so few downy soft curls of shiniest blonde. My pain was great as the hospital also had a mother deliver a set of quadruplets that morning, and the talk was on the news, in the paper, and in the hallways.

I lay in the hospital’s cold bed, scratchy sheets reminding me Christmas would never be the same. For quite some time, I thought the Lord was trying to humble my proud heart. For a while, I cried as each death in the church reminded me of my own pain.

With each Christmas passing, my husband worked harder to make the holiday right, the way it once was… Seven years later, suddenly, without warning, he died on a beautiful spring morning. Caring for the children, I reflected on the learning I had received, how to survive grief, and how my son’s death had prepared me for this sudden widowhood, as I realized I really wasn’t crazy, I was grieving.

That first Christmas with the weight of the loss of my husband magnified, all his attempts now seemed futile because nobody knew to “right” my heart ache. Then, I wanted to buy him a gift, and therein, my grief swelled. Unable to sleep, I turned on the TV late, and tried to drown my thoughts. A beautiful Christmas show, “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear” with Mickey Roonie came on TV. How ironic, I thought, I am watching this at midnight. In it the old man dies before Christmas and must talk to the Archangel into letting him return to Earth, to fulfill a Christmas promise to his grandson. What he finds is the Christmas spirit has failed NYC! He, in the end, is on TV, challenging New Yorkers to “Go out, greet your neighbors, and do something nice for each other. It’s Christmas!” That’s when it hit me! God had gifted me with something special … gifts that only few know. Gifts of compassion, mercy, insight, and tenderness. Then it occurred to me, I had to choose, get bitter or b! Etter….

Then I got up, and got into the scripture, and lo, the Lord spoke to me as verse after verse was ultimate sacrifice, giving, cheerfulness. I didn’t go to bed that night. In fact, I made hundreds of Christmas cards, and dozens of batches of pralines (a southern tradition) and stacked them all in row. That afternoon, I wrote down the name of every “single” person listed in my church phone directory, and my own phone book. The kids and I planned a shopping venture where we chose one man who had no family to speak of, and we bought for him as if he were “our daddy.” When Christmas Eve arrived, we snuck to his porch, and loaded it down with gifts, and candies, and an engraved invitation to attend a Christmas feast, starting with breakfast the next morning. When I arrived home, we called him and told him we set a few things on the porch for him, to please take them indoors. We took our grief and utilized it to the service of others. Suddenly, I wasn’t focused on my own grief, but ! Possibly lessening the grief of others. In doing just that, I was healing myself.

Each year, when I have grieved, ’cause the grief monster does come, I take the gifts of knowing, compassion, service and abundance and I share. I share love through remembrance that the Lord chose to share his son’s birthday with my son, Grant. That Grant did not have to breathe a breath, in order to teach me a lesson. I learned that Jesus gave me a love of a husband few are blessed with … and I show that same love to others who might be all alone otherwise. We all have received gifts! I had to find mine, and realize my pain was not unintentional. God blessed me greatly with compassion and knowledge to use these gifts! So I challenge my friends as Mickey Roonie once did… “Get out! Greet your neighbor! Do something nice!

Shelley Norman Eyez2cwith@aol.com