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It has slowly come to my attention that I have a temper.
If you had asked me this in years gone by, I would have denied it. I have always considered myself to be easy-going, easy to get along with, slow to anger, someone who doesn't hold a grudge. It is amazing what you can convince yourself of, even in the face of the exact opposite! Yes, in more recent months, God has clearly convicted me that my anger is actually quite quick to rise, that I hold significant grudges, and my easy-to-get-along-with nature is nothing but a front, firmly nailed into place my insecurity...
This all came to me this morning when I was barely able to hold back on my urge to give the cat a well-deserved spanking. After all, wasn't he being ungrateful? I don't want or need a cat at this stage in my life; nonetheless, I took him in and gave him a comfortable home after my mom died. His way of saying "thanks"? Out of the blue, he started spraying an armchair (which I am sure is now ruined), and using the floor instead of his litter box! Yes, I know he is a cat and he doesn't reason the same way we do; nonetheless, my urgent drive to reach out and strike him surprised even me and drove me to my knees in front of my Lord and Saviour. "What is going on?" I cried. "I'm not this way!"
In a flash, snippets of my life raced before my mind's eye. Other times when I had almost not stopped myself, and even a time or two when I succumbed to the urge to strike out when I thought no one was looking... Wait. Am I really that way???
But God doesn't lie, and since I had gone to Him with this problem, I was pretty sure that what He was showing me was His way of helping me to see how urgently I needed to get to the bottom of this. Then together, God and I began to dig into the grime of my life. I felt like I was cleaning out a plugged drain, and it occurred to me that this wasn't very pleasant for God either. There is, however, a sense of accomplishment when you set out to clean something so putrid and filthy; and with God's help, we pushed onward until we arrived at what I realize are not only the roots of this problem, but the roots of lots of different problems in my life: Control and Entitlement!
I want to be in control and when I am not, my anger flares. After all, there are so few thing I can be in control of. Isn't it my right to be in control of where the cat relieves himself???
But that's just it, isn't it. I'm not entitled to being in control. I don't need to be in control. God is, and whether I think so in the moment or not, He's doing a very good job. Lots better than I could ever do.
In fact, I'm not entitled to anything. I am already a child of the most high God! What more could I ask for? And if I truly trust God for everything, than He can handle even the bad things -- yes even the cat box issues of my adopted feline friend!
No, I'm not in control of my cat's behaviour, and no, I'm not entitled to being in control. But I know who is in control, and He is the One who can be trusted in all situations! Isn't this what is by these texts: "Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me..." ( Ps. 24:4a NIV); "The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?" (Ps. 27:1 NIV)? When God is in control, we don't need to be!
So what about my temper?
I asked God this morning to show me the moment my sense of entitlement and my sense of control began to show their ugly heads. This way, I can renounce these demons in the name of Jesus on the spot. Oh, and suddenly I wasn't angry at all at the poor cat... Rather, I made a vet appointment in order to ensure he doesn't have some kind of a medical problem that caused his poor choice of a cat litter box...
What is the take away on all this? Don't just assume you have conquered a problem. Instead, follow the Bible's advice: "Let us examine and probe our ways, And let us return to the Lord." (Lam. 3:40 NASB 1995); "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you--unless, of course, you fail the test?" (2 Cor. 13:5 NIV). Open your heart to God and let Him help you examine it -- on a daily basis! God will reveal to you the things that need to be changed, and then you can ask God to help you renounce them.
And while you're at it, remember that being a child of God is a gift. It doesn't mean we're entitled to anything; and it especially doesn't mean we are entitled to being in control! That's God's job, and He doesn't need any help from us! When we do relinquish control, we can be assured that He will lift us up in due time: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." (1 Peter 5:6 NIV)
In His love,
Lyn
Lynona Gordon Chaffart, Speech-Language Pathologist, mother of two adult boys, Author -- "Aboard God's Train -- A Journey With God Through the Valley of Cancer", Author and Moderator for The Nugget, a tri-weekly internet newsletter, Scriptural Nuggets, a website devoted to Christian devotionals and inspirational poems, The Illustrator, a four-times-a-week internet newsletter, and the Sermon Illustrator website, all with Answers2Prayer Ministries.
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