|
As my dementia progresses to significantly advanced, I no longer have a concept of time or calendars. My wife tells me it's Monday morning, but that means nothing to me ...
In fact, all of the things that used to keep me so busy ... trip planning, photography, writing devotionals ... None of these things mean anything to me anymore.
I used to like to go for long walks. Now I prefer to just stay at home. Sometimes I get tired of being alone, so I will accompany my wife on one of her walks, but they always drag on for sooo long. In the end, I always wish I had just stayed.
I used to like to talk to people. I can't talk to them anymore ...
I used to like to go out to restaurants to eat. My food was a high priority. I had a gourmet pallet, and although my wife knew how to please it, I still loved to go out to eat. Now ... well ... I can't see my plate and I can't use a fork or spoon. I don't want people feeding me, and, well, these places don't serve finger food ... So my wife tried taking me to places where I could get sandwiches or hamburgers or pizza. But the wait is so long, I can't tolerate it anymore. I'd rather just eat at home.
As you read this, you are probably tempted to get a bit depressed. I know, I would be too! In fact, a year ago, just realizing all of these losses made me depressed. But please let me assure you, there is no reason for you to feel sorry for me. You see, I'm actually happier now than I ever have been. I certainly have a lot less stress!
How can this be?
My dementia has progressed to the point that I no longer care about the things that used to stress me out so much! Hey, when you no longer have a concept of time, it is difficult to be stressed about time! I used to get upset when my pictures didn't turn out right, now I don't have that stress anymore. Although I loved to travel, it was stressful to always be away from home. Now that stress is gone. Although I always liked to talk to people, there was always the fear of rejection lurking just beneath the surface. Now that's no longer an issue. Hey! I don't even understand rejection anymore! As for the restaurants, my wife brings me foods she knows I can eat and lets me eat them wherever I am.
I have to honestly say, it's much better this way ...
You are probably looking at this, however, and thinking, what a perfect recipe for boredom.
Let me assure you, I'm not bored.
This morning, for example the cuckoo clock rang, and I sang along with it. My wife was brushing our dog, as she is in the middle of a terrible shed. I laughed at their antics. Then she started the robot vacuum to vacuum up the hair. It's actually entertaining to watch that little machine scoot around! My wife overheard me talking to it and laughing at it. I also sleep a lot. I never in my life allowed myself to sleep enough. What a pleasant change!
As for friends, I have lots of them who understand me very well. My wife says she never sees them, but they are real to me. I have conversations with them. We laugh and tell jokes and sing ... I've never had such good friends!
Oh, there are times when I'm not so happy. You see, though most of the people my wife never sees who visit me regularly are kind and funny and entertaining. There are some, however, that are just plain mean. I have to get rid of them before they attack my wife! Unfortunately these bad visitors often throw bad stuff at me, making me wet or dirty. Then they have the audacity to try and change me or clean me up! Well, if they hadn't thrown the bad stuff on me, there would be no need to clean me up! Is anyone surprised that I get angry at them? That I have been observed slamming my fist into things, stomping my feet, kicking, slamming doors, etc., and I have been overheard yelling and screaming as I tell these mean "people" that they must leave? That I try to push them away? That I sometimes pick them up and throw them? And it works, too! As soon as I do that, it is suddenly my wife caring for me instead of these bad things! In fact, this has become my purpose in life: to rid the house of these bad monsters.
In the end, I would have to say that although I've lost everything that I ever valued in my life, in many ways, I'm happier than ever. You see, once all those complicated things are removed from my life, what is left is the simple pleasures, the things I never would have even noticed before! It could be said that I delight in things now as a child would; and as such, aren't I fulfilling Jesus' suggestion? “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:3 NIV).
I think God is happy that my life has become so simple, that I am finding pleasure in the small blessings He gives us daily. I only wish I had learned this lesson a little earlier in life. I mean, I could have lived a lot more happily and stress-free even before I lost my cognition!
Somehow, when life has become so much simpler, it is so much easier to let God worry about the problems: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:6-7 NIV); to truly do what the Bible suggests and: "... store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:20-21 NIV).
And I wish for you, too, to learn to cherish the small blessings God gives us and to stop stressing about what you don't have. I hope my wife sees me now and learns these lessons as well... Will you join me in abandoning the useless things in life that only serve to stress us out and turn our eyes away from Jesus? Will you join me in becoming like a little child and giving Him all your trouble, storing up treasures in Heaven?
Inspired by Rob Chaffart
Founder, Answers2Prayer Ministries
|
