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Written September 2024
I wish I could say I adjusted to my new care home very well; but it would be a serious deviance from the truth.
I understood that because of the severity of my dementia, my wife could no longer take care of me at home. I realized that I required a lot of care, and the fact that I often didn't understand what was going on and got very confused made it hard for me to always control my actions. Plus, it seems she broke her arm...So no, I knew I was where I was supposed to be.
Unfortunately it wasn't an easy place to be! The doctors and nurses were trying to adjust my medication to ensure that I had the best possible cocktail of drugs. This meant making changes--sometimes even drastic changes--to my medication! I don't know about you, but I have always had a hypersensitivity to changes in meds. I went on an antibiotic once, for example, and it got me so hyper that I couldn't sleep. In fact I was so full of energy and strength that I could pick up the front end of the car! Is it any wonder that I'm doing things that I would never have done before?
Because her broken arm made it impossible for my wife to even take care of herself, she went to her brother's home for a few days, and while she was gone, my lovely niece came to visit. One day she found me without any glasses. It was reported that I had thrown them down and they had taken them away to keep them from breaking. Upon hearing this from my niece, my wife was very upset. She didn't believe I would throw my glasses down. She knew how important they were to me. Anyone who has been reading my posts over the years will understand that I am legally blind in one eye and my "good" eye is far from good! And that's in the best of times! My wife called the nurse in charge of my floor, telling them in no uncertain terms that they were to ensure that those glasses remained on my face at all times!
Unfortunately, it would seem that I had actually thrown my glasses down. My niece video-taped me doing so a few days later...I don't know why I was doing these things! I know I need those glasses! Yet something inside of me just seems to take over and I become totally out of control of my own body!
My wife and I both blame the rapid medication changes. My wife insists that once I am receiving the right cocktail of medication and once my body has become used to the medication, I should have better control over what I am doing. All I can say is that I hope she is right--And that my glasses survive!
The apostle Paul talks about something similar... "So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?" (Romans 7:21-24 NIVI)
I can sooooo relate! I don't want to ruin my glasses, but it appears I'm doing it anyway!
And from a spiritual perspective I can relate as well! I don't want to hurt people with my words and I don't want to be selfish or stingy! But so often I would fall into those traps anyway, despite it being against my will! So often I have wanted to cry out--and perhaps I want to cry this even now--"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death???"
If Paul left us there, it would be a discouraging passage indeed. But He doesn't. He goes on to give us this vitally-important truth: "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:25 NIV).
Yes, friends, God has made a way! It is true that the transformation takes effort. Just as my doctors must try to find the right combination of medications for me, we must focus our eyes on Jesus. We must meditate on His Word and listen to the voice of His Spirit! And just as my body will need some time to adjust to the new medication regime, this spiritual transformation will take time as well, and we may not fully overcome this tendency to sin before we reach Heaven.
The wait can be discouraging, yes. Nonetheless, just as I long for the day when my body will stop ripping the glasses off my face and throwing them on the floor, even more I long for the day when the laws of sin will no longer overtake my desire to be like Jesus!
What about you? Are you frustrated by your lack of ability to lead a godly life? Let's keep drawing nearer to Jesus, let's be patient with ourselves--and with others!--when we continue to make mistakes, and let's keep meditating on the life-changing Word of God! Remember the advice of Israel's conquering judge, Joshua? "Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful." (Joshua 1:8 NIV)!
Inspired by Rob Chaffart
Founder, Answers2Prayer Ministries
P.S. The right cocktail of medication was eventually found, and I am now in much better control of my actions! Praise be to God!
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