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The story is told of a ship on a stormy sea in the fog when the ship’s radar suddenly picks up an object directly in its path. The ship’s captain immediately goes on the radio: “We are on a collision course. We advise you to move 10 degrees to the north!”
I can only imagine the captain’s consternation when the responses crackles back over the radio: “Negative. We advise you to change course 10 degrees south.”
The captain can now see a blinking light from the approaching vessel. Grabbing the radio, he bellows out his reply: “I’m a ship’s captain. Change course 10 degrees north, now!”
“I’m a seaman second class,” came the response. “I advise that you change course 10 degrees south to avoid imminent collision.”
Furious, the captain tries again: “This is a battleship! Change your course immediately!”
Then comes that calm, very irritating voice again over the radio: “This is a lighthouse. I strongly advise you change your course immediately!”
Much like that battleship, I was floundering through a very dark night on a stormy sea….
It was a year ago, and due to the progression of my husband’s dementia, I came to realize I would have to list him for long-term care. I had put his name on the waiting lists of 15 local homes, and I was told the wait wouldn’t be more than a few weeks. Two days later, his actions were responsible for a worker breaking his ankle. The rejection letters began pouring in. What was I going to do? I couldn’t continue caring for him much longer.
I would learn from my case manager that there was a special program designed to help dementia patients who had behaviour problems so that they would be able to be accepted in the homes that had previously rejected them. The application went in on Thursday, and I was told a decision would be the following Tuesday whether or not he would be accepted into their program.
Imagine my frustration when Tuesday came and went without any word. So did Wednesday and Thursday, and even Friday.
The wait was killing me. I felt like I was in a boat at sea, adrift in this terrible storm, and God, well He seemed like He was in a different boat altogether.
I went out for a walk, and I’m ashamed to say that my intention was to get God on board with the plan to put my husband in long term care. I couldn’t go on any longer. God would have to move over to accommodate my plan! So I set out: “God, You’re headed the wrong way. Could You move 10 degrees to the north?”
The response was clear: “I advise you to move 10 degrees to the south.”
What? God knew I couldn’t continue, yet He was asking me to change? I tried again: “God, would You please come on board with the plan?”
His response didn’t change. “You must come on board with My plan.” Then He asked a poignant question: “Why are you struggling to surrender to My will?”
That was an easy one. Total surrender meant that I had to not only surrender the potential plans that seemed good to me; it also meant surrendering the part of the plan that I didn’t want! I was afraid of total surrender because that might mean that God wanted me to keep caring for my husband at home! So I tried again. “God, can you please move 10 degrees to the north?”
The response was clear: “I am God! Please move 10 degrees to the south!”
You see, God is like the lighthouse in the story. God not only couldn’t move, but He doesn’t need to! I needed to “move”, to accept that no matter what possible outcome, God would take care of me!
I surrendered then. I moved 10 degrees to the south. Suddenly I could feel God in the boat with me. Only He hadn’t come aboard my boat; rather, I had come aboard His. And His boat wasn’t tossing and turning. Instead I was covered in the peace that passes all understanding and I knew beyond reason that God would bring about what would be best.
That peace stayed with me through Wednesday of the following week. I knew that if he was accepted, that would be the best thing for him; but if he wasn’t, God had a better plan. The call came Wednesday evening. The program had approved his application. There would only be a 2-4 week wait for a bed to open up.
I realized something vitally important then: God was onboard with my plan all along! The reason He kept me in the dark was because He wanted me to learn what total surrender looked and felt like. Otherwise I would have gone on living on that rickety old row boat of worry and doubt.
When we humble ourselves in total surrender, even when some of the outcomes aren’t favorable, we can be assured that God will exalt us in the proper time. Has He not promised? “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” (1 Peter 5:6 NIV)
“I am God. I strongly advise that you shift course 10 degrees to the south!”
“Yes Sir! I don’t understand it, but I know that Your plan will never fail!”
In His Love,
Lyn
Lynona Gordon Chaffart
Moderator, Author, Acting Director, Answers2Prayer Ministries
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