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Some would call it a curse, but to me it's a blessing. I simply don't remember things I've done! In addition, there are constantly "people" all around me, people that my wife claims she can't see...
How, you ask, can that be a blessing?
Well, sometimes I get up from the dinner table and forget immediately that I've eaten. I see that there is no food, and I assume that one of the "people" around me has eaten it. Or maybe it's even my wife's fault! Yes, that's it! She has simply forgotten to feed me. At this point, I begin to complain, and if I complain loud enough and long enough, my wife will get the message, and if she's feeling particularly generous, she will give me food... But never without claiming I've already eaten... Well I don't remember eating... Maybe it's my "friends"! Maybe she did put out food, and they consumed it instead of me! Why does she blame me? Surely she knows it wasn't me who consumed the food!
It's true that this lunch usually disappears quite quickly ... I wonder if she is holding back some of my lunch for afterwards, when someone else has eaten my lunch? It sounds like something she would do...
And of course, whenever something goes wrong, I am never at fault. It's those "people" who are always around me. They make such a mess all the time! Take, for example, the mess on the floor that appears while my wife is out on a walk with the dog. I have no idea why she always asks me about it... I know nothing about that mess! Obviously there is someone who is making the mess, but it isn't me!
And if she has trouble getting me dressed or washed, well it isn't me giving her a hard time! I wouldn't do that to her. I love her too much!
And if I find myself on the floor, it is one of my "friends" who has pushed me! Not that I've fallen down on purpose, like my wife seems to think...
I could go on and on, but it does seem like she's starting to understand that there is more at work here than simply me. She's starting to blame other people too!
Take, for example, what happened the other day. She found a soaking wet dog bed. Her "nose test" told her it wasn't wet with water, and I could just hear her: "Why did you soil the dog's bed?" That isn't what happened, however. Instead, she came to me very calmly and very seriously. "I need you to tell something to your friends," she said.
Wow! That's like the first time she's acknowledged that my "friends" exist!
"I need you to tell them that soiling the dog's bed is completely unacceptable! I need you to make them understand, I won't tolerate them soiling the dog's bed like that! You need to have a serious talk with them! This is completely unacceptable behavior!"
You can be sure I told my friends, and it hasn't happened again.
Or at least not that I remember...
So this is a blessing. I'm never blamed, I'm never in trouble, and ... wow! ... I get food!
I'm kind of proud of my wife, actually. Even though she doesn't claim to "see" my "friends", she is at least acknowledging that they are there, that they are responsible for the bad stuff and certainly not me!
I think if I could process this as I would have before the dementia hit me, I would realize something important: My wife is taking me where I am and accepting me as I am!
Isn't this what God does for us? Especially when it comes to our sinful nature?
Now, in the same way all that mess my "friends" make is repulsive to my wife, all sin is repulsive to God. When we give our hearts to Him, our sins are sent as far from us as the east is from the west (See Ps. 103:12). Nonetheless, we keep on sinning -- daily, hourly, sometimes even minutely and secondly!
Over time, God deals with our sin. He doesn't, however, overwhelm us by expecting us to suddenly be perfect! Rather, He reveals to us, through His Spirit, the particular sin that He wants to work on with us at any one point in time. It's one of the roles of the Holy Spirit: "When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment..." (John 16:8 NIV).
God knows that working on all of our sin at once would be overwhelming and likely not possible for us, so He usually chooses one or two, sometimes as many as three, to help us with at any one point in time. Just like my wife understands where I am at, she understands that I can't help my memory loss or my hallucinations, and she's starting to take me where I'm at and work with me as I am, God does the same! He works with us as we are, ever lovingly guiding us into all Truth, revealing the particular areas of our sinful nature that need to be worked on as we can take it!
I'm pretty happy about that, too! I mean, when I think back over my life (and my memories of the distant past are still pretty good!), I can see how God dealt with me on one big area of sin in my life at a time, and once He had helped me to put off that sin, He would begin to work on another.
I often wondered if He would ever get to the end of my human nature, and the truth of the matter is, no, He won't! "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." (1 John 1:8 NIV). This is why we so desperately need -- and have! -- His grace: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— " (Ephesians 2:8 NIV).
Even though He takes us where we are at, He does encourage us to put off our sin.
Why?
Because it separates us from God (See Is. 59:1)! 1 John tells us, "My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin." (1 John 2:1 NIV). If the verse ended right there it would be sad, for we cannot completely put off sin in this world. Fortunately, he continues: "But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One."
I'm so thankful my wife is starting to take me where I'm at instead of always blaming me for bad things that happen. But I'm even happier that God takes us where we are at! He is always encouraging us to put off sin, but when we do sin, and we all still will, praise be to Him for our advocate, Jesus Christ, the Righteous One!
Inspired by Rob Chaffart
Founder, Answers2Prayer Ministries
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