I suffered from severe depression for many years, instigated initially
by the death of my brother father and grand parents in an accident at
the age of 14. I was filled with fear; fear that fermented into to gut
wrenching rage and ultimately a life of suffering. I turned from a
gentle caring teenager into a self-destructive young adult and many
judged my behaviour and gave up on me as I bounced from hospital to
hospital, with no apparent cure in sight. I was tormented by the soul
screaming tortuous blackness of a deep depressive .Our minds are
effectively the control centres of our body and when flooded with
futility everything we try to do becomes drenched by that despair.
"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." (Proverbs 23:7 J.B
Philips)
My depression became compounded by guilt and self- blame
at my destructive life style and the concept of forgiveness and
redemption was much like trying to grasp a slippery fish with oily
hands. It takes a determined act of will not only to accept a gift that
you feel you don't deserve but to then go on to live a life of joy
without guilt. To become a new creation you need to be prepared to let
go of the old life. Jesus gave us life so we could be people who are
'eager and enthusiastic' about living a beneficial life (Titus 2; 14).
How on earth could I be enthusiastic when bogged down by such guilt and
shame? So how was I able to make that seemingly impossible leap from
self- destructive young depressive to functioning follower of Christ?
Well not without His Hands uplifting me, that's for sure! As I look back
at that time twenty years ago I can still see the face of each helping
Christian vividly. It was their proactive gentle non- judgemental
response that finally lifted my self limiting depression and filled me
with a hunger to follow Christ more fully.
"In the same way, let
your light shine before other, so that they may see your good works and
give glory to your father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
It also
illustrated one thing very clearly to me. Each of us makes up the Body
of the Church and Christ needs all of us to do His work, even when our
actions seem small and insignificant. After all it only takes a tiny
drop of perfume to leave a lingering scent. Fortified by His Love I then
become a successful special needs teacher ,working for years with very
vulnerable children, often with challenging behaviour themselves. (They
say it takes one to know one!). I suffered a severe spinal cord injury
in 2009, which literally stopped me in my tracks and left me physically
challenged. However I still try to reflect His love as best as I can,
the compassion I witnessed all those years ago. Today Tony is
temporarily residing with my son and I. He had experienced domestic
abuse, was emotionally distraught and in need of much support and a safe
sanctuary. Was I delighted to share my home? I'm afraid not! My son was
undergoing a very gruelling training with the police, my elderly mum has
dementia and my painful disability often left me exhausted. Was I afraid
to be His Hands? Terrified to be honest! It would have been so easy to
offer my prayers and sneak back home, yet I felt compelled to follow His
call. The result? I have been richly rewarded in so many ways for my
efforts. Despite my fears I am reminded that truly nothing is impossible
with Christ!
"But Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this
is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'" (Matthew 19; 26)
Tony's courage to face his fears has been inspirational. Best of all
he has witnessed my disability struggles and is curious by my apparent
strength. I have the opportunity to show Tony first hand what it means
to be a Christian. He knows that I pray for him daily and has
experienced moments of real peace in hard times. As I help Tony today, a
Christian stranger also offered my son a free home too, so that he could
study at Police College without travelling the gruelling four hours a
day. As I feebly stretched out my hands, another caught my son in his
time of need!
Each of us carries the unmistakeable scent of
Christ (2 Corinthians 15).
All we have to do is unscrew the
perfume top!
Let His Light be Born in us this Christmas
Today's Bible Verse:
"In the same way, let your light shine before other, so that they
may see your good works and give glory to your father in heaven."
(Matthew 5:16)
Let His Light be Born in us this Christmas
Announcement:
May you be a light during this Christmas Season.
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