"Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing." (1 Peter 3:8-9)
Once you are married, conflicts will arise. One day you blend so nicely,
and the next a storm comes out of nowhere. My first conflict with my
wife was over who should answer the phone. While we were dating we had
explored almost all topics possible, except about who would answer the
phone. It seems silly now, many years later, but at that time it wasn't.
Neither of us liked answering the phone!
In hindsight, I wish I
had volunteered to answer that silly phone instead of entering into
conflict with my wife. Still our Heavenly Father still loves us, and we
did eventually forgive one another. But all of this could have been
resolved with communication.
Conflicts will arise. There is no
doubt about it. After all, we are used to living on our own, and now we
have to take care of someone else as well. We are not used to that yet!
It's during conflicts that we realize who we truly are. Are we going to
honor our spouse? Or are we going to drag her or him through the mud?
The more we do this, the more we distant ourselves from the one we love.
Is it worth it?
Retaliation hurts deeply. After all, retribution
is not a gesture of love. Instead it will lead to misery, not bliss.
Sarcasm is also devoid of affection, and this will lead to destruction
as well.
What is our Father's purpose in marriage? It's to bless,
bless like never before. Instead of conflicts, we should face the storms
of life together with blessings. After all, two are stronger than just
one. Together we can face anything, for when one is weak, the other will
support him or her: "Two are better than one, because they have a good
return for their labor." (Ecclesiastes 4:9, NIV)
Focus on Jesus.
"Do you see what this means-all these pioneers who blazed the way, all
these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it.
Strip down, start running-and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no
parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished
this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of
where he was headed-that exhilarating finish in and with God-he could
put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's
there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find
yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by
item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot
adrenaline into your souls!" (Heb 12;2,3, NIV)
Jesus faced
hostility. He was hated because He genuinely loved others. The ones who
pretended to worship God greeted Him with sarcasm and put-downs; yet
never once did Jesus retaliate. He never used sarcasm or criticism. On
the cross he died on, He uttered: "Father, forgive them, for they do not
know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34, NIV). Blessing others was His
norm.
We should never follow our selfish streak, as I did when I
was just married. To bless is to understand our spouse and to sustain
him or her at all times. To bless means to forgive at all times and to
face conflicts with pure love. Only then will marriage be as it should
be: a blessing to anyone around us. Put your spouse first, and you will
blossom together.
Conflicts against one another are disastrous.
May we learn to face conflicts with grace. Love should always be our
priority.
Honey, can you answer the door?
What! Who do you
think I am? The maid?
Be a blessing to your spouse!
Rob
Chaffart
