Marriage isn't geared towards having our own satisfaction. If so, sooner
or later we will face a monstrous shipwreck. Marriage was meant for us
to learn what true servant hood means.
It is true that before we
had the privilege of being married, we lived the way we wanted to: we
sleep until noon, bowled until midnight, spent time with our friends
whenever we wanted to . . . We were in perfect control. Then, once our
marriage vows were said, we began to realize that marriage isn't about
ourselves any longer. It's about loving and caring for that special
person that our Father has sent us. True enough, there will be conflict
at first, for we have trouble relinquishing the control we used to have.
However, as we persist in developing a spirit of servant hood, love will
abound. Life will become beautiful. For some, this may take decades to
realize. I hope that won't be your case! However, if we continue to
insist on being the one in control, love will be destroyed.
Marriage is our eye-opener for what life truly means. We are here to
help one another, to serve one another. As long as we rebel against
this, we will never, ever be satisfied: "You, my brothers and sisters,
were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the
flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love." (Gal 5:13, NIV2)
As our motto becomes: "Do what is right and good in the Lord's
sight!" (Deut 6:18, NIV), our marriage will blossom. Love will become a
constant, a love that is not self-serving, but is sacrificial, just as
Jesus showed us the way.
What does sacrificial love look like?
Let me illustrate it: On the night of June 12, 1944, a Lancaster
crew was heading for the rail marshalling yard at Cambrai, France. Their
goal was to destroy it. However, the Nazis attacked their plane,
crippling the port engines with their bullets and igniting fuel and
hydraulic fire.
The pilot soon realized they would never reach
Great Britain. The plane would end up in the North Sea. The crew would
be doomed. He came up with a plan. He was certain he could succeed in
stabilizing the plane for a while. During that time, the crew would have
the opportunity to parachute over France and, hopefully, survive.
It was a great plan, however, no one was aware that Pat Brophy, who
manned the guns in the back of the plane, was stuck in his turret, for
the enemy planes had shot the hydraulic liquids that opened the door. He
knew without a doubt that he would die that day.
In the meantime,
all the crew had already jumped from the plane, except for Pat's best
friend, Andy Mynarski. As he was preparing himself to jump, he noticed
that his friend was stuck. Despite the fire, he frantically tried to
save his friend until he felt his legs starting to burn badly. He had no
choice but to jump out of the plane. Before doing so, he saluted his
friend and with tears in his eyes he jumped. What he didn't realize was
that half his parachute had been burned up while trying to save his
friend. He fell to his death. That was truly sacrificial love, putting
his friend above his own welfare.
When the plane eventually
reached the ground, it started to slide in a farmer's field. A wing hit
a tree, flipping the plane around. It then flipped a few times. While
this was happening, Pat found himself flying out of his prison, and
miraculously, he survived. Farmers hid him from the enemy, and
eventually he ended up in England. The only casualty from his crew was
his friend Andy, who died a hero's death that night.
Year later
in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, the Historic Aviation museum reconstructed
one of the Lancasters, and Pat's flying crew was invited to be part of
its first flight, in memory of Andy. The whole crew were crying on this
historic flight.
This selfless love can only be realized by
focusing on the One who led the way. As long as God is our focus, we
will head in the right direction. Be a blessing to your spouse. Be a
blessing at church and at work.
Just as Jesus served, we, too,
should have the heart of a servant. Anything else will leave us wanting:
"Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're
in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was
headed-that exhilarating finish in and with God-he could put up with
anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in
the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves
flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that
long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline
into your souls!" (Heb 12:2-3, MSG)
May we always remember to
"value others above yourselves," (Phil 2:3, NIV2)
"That's mine!"
"No, it's mine!"
Is it really worth fighting over control?
Rob Chaffart