Tragedy had struck. What could I say?
As a minister, I've watched
people endure their share of tragedy. A husband whose wife decided to
drive drunk, leading to the death of their small child. A father whose
daughter was innocently riding her bike through their subdivision and
was hit and killed. Good friends whose daughter tried to ride a bicycle
that was too large and accidentally rolled into the path of an oncoming
truck. A couple whose child was born prematurely and languished in the
neonatal intensive care unit for months and then grew up mentally
challenged.
I've probably been guilty of saying it, but even if I
haven't, I've heard many others say those infamous words, "I know how
you feel" or "I know what you're going through." Those innocent words
may be spoken with good intentions, but they are words that mean little
if anything to those who are grieving -- and perhaps questioning God at
the same time.
Mary and Martha were probably feeling a little
confusion themselves. Their brother, Lazarus, was sick. So, they sent
for Jesus, thinking that He would heal him. Instead of coming
immediately, Jesus waited until Lazarus had died. Martha was confused.
Even if I've experienced something similar to what others are going
through, saying "I know how you feel" isn't the best response to their
grief. I don't know how they feel. I know how I felt, but I can't get
inside of their bodies and experience their emotions. The statement
usually falls on deaf ears. They may also perceive the words as an empty
platitude that means nothing.
When people are grieving, spending
time with them and saying little is a good practice. If I feel the need
to speak, saying, "I can't imagine what you're going through," or "How
can I help?" Are appropriate things to say. Better yet is thinking of
some way to help without asking the person. In their state of mind, they
usually can't think of what they need anyway. If I have experienced
something similar to their tragedy, I can always tell my story and share
how God brought me through.
Let us depend on God to give us the
right thing to say when we're helping a grieving person.
Prayer:
Father, as You comfort us in our times of grief, so give us wisdom to
know how to help others in their times of grief. Amen.
Martin Wiles
Hodges, South Carolina, USA
