I've only once had an anxiety attack in my life and I hope that I never
ever go through it again. It happened years ago when my family and I
moved into our new home in Knoxville. I suddenly realized that we had
just taken on a thirty year mortgage for a house, in a strange city and
foreign land, with absolutely no guarantees about the future.
I
also felt bad for my wife and two daughters who had given up everything
to come to America with me. They no longer had their own family or
friends, their cousins or their comrades to support them. They needed me
to be there for them, but I was so engrossed in my work that I failed
them. Instead of having faith and being reassured, we were all afraid
and resentful. This went on for a few weeks and then I had my panic
attack.
I couldn't breathe one day and my heart raced ahead of
itself. My mind was a whirl and I honestly thought I was dying. It
lasted about a minute but it felt a lot longer. By the time it was over,
I was as white as a sheet and drenched in cold perspiration. It was a
horrible experience and I would not wish it upon anybody.
Looking
back, I can see that my main problem was a lack of faith in Jesus. I was
relying upon my own strength, instead of seeking His support. He had
brought all of us to the other side of the Atlantic for a whole host of
reasons that are still being fulfilled today in all four of our lives.
The storms that I experienced were self-created. Christ was in the heart
of them, ready, willing, and able to still the storms and calm the
waves. It took me a while to see it, but I now understand: Christ's
presence is real and all that truly matters is that He is here.
Perhaps, like the disciples of old, you are going through a stormy patch
and troubled waters. Maybe life is hard and your problems are
overwhelming your spirit. Know this: Christ is with you in the midst of
all your anxieties and all of your cares. He can, and He will, still
those storms.
Question for personal reflection
What fears
and issues am I currently facing? How have I asked Jesus to help me?
Prayer: Lord Jesus, Your powerful presence is what our lives
constantly need. We are human and frail, fearful and anxious at times.
When we are weak, we need You to be our strength. When we fall, we need
You to lift us up. Lord Jesus, guide our lives and calm our storms. In
Your Holy Name, we pray. Amen.
John Stuart
Knoxville,
Tennessee, USA