Why are Some People so Judgmental?
"Why do you look at
the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the
plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the
speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own
eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then
you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matt
7:3-5 NIV)
On the door to my classroom I have a sign that reads:
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in someone else's eye, while you
have a telephone pole in your own eye?
You won't believe what a
great conversation starter this has become. Some wonder if it has to do
with stargazing, but many identify with it immediately, as they have
experienced first-hand the judgmental attitude of others.
How
would you like to be forced by your pastor to stay at church all day,
even though you are sick with high fever, just because he's counting on
your vote at that night's boardmeeting?
How about being hit in
the face by your very own pastor and ending up at the emergency room
because you disagreed with him?
How would you feel if your wife
was criticized as being a heathen because she wasn't wearing a dress or
hat, and because she was wearing a wedding ring?
What if your
pastor encouraged your own daughter to move out of your home and to
discontinue all contact with you, because you were not meeting the high
standards of your church?
Would you like to be shunned by you
best friends from your old church, just because you began attending a
different one?
What would you do when the Bible is pushed aside
in favor of the writings of a modern-day prophet?
All of these
things I experienced first-hand in the church I used to call my home, a
church where obedience to their form of doctrine was more important than
showing grace to struggling members.
Where does such a judgmental
attitude come from? Is it even biblical?
Such attitude comes only
from one certain source: "the accuser of our brothers (the evil one),
who accuses them before our God day and night" (Rev 12:10 NIV) The evil
one is determined to rob Christians of the joy of their salvation, and
one of his main strategies is to keep us under lock and key, bound in
the chains of guilt and doubt.
We need to remember one important
fact about him, however: "He (the evil one) was a murderer from the
beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When
he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father
of lies." (John 8:44-45 NIV)
He is the one who doesn't want us
believing in the Scriptures or in the grace of God. He specializes in
whispering sweet nothings in our ears, making us believe these things
are our very thoughts: "God does not care for you"; "He has abandoned
you"; "How could God like someone like you", "I must not be saved if
I'm struggling so much" etc.
His goal? To drain us of all hope
and resistance. "My disgrace is before me all day long, and my face is
covered with shame at the taunts of those who reproach and revile me,
because of the enemy, who is bent on revenge." (Psalms 44:15, 16 NIV)
It doesn't help that he also uses those you consider "significant
people" to bring you down. "Who are you to judge someone else's servant?
To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is
able to make him stand." (Rom 14:4 NIV)
In all reality, those who
tend to talk behind people's backs at church are those who like to shame
other believers because they do not interpret Scriptures in the same
way, or they don't have the same convictions.
How sad that just
about anything can be used as a source of false shame for God's people:
having a TV, sending kids to a public school, speaking in tongues, not
speaking in tongues, going to the theater, having a Christmas tree,
enjoying country music, not using the right version of the Bible,
wearing certain clothing, not wearing certain clothing, consumption of
certain foods, daring to go to another church! The list could be
endless!
No matter what you do, you can always be certain that
somebody out there is pointing his or her gnarly finger at you in
disapproval. Such criticism leads toward a shame-based identity that is
so devastating to many people.
In all reality, although I love
God's church with all of my heart, some congregations are deeply
dysfunctional, for they operate on a guilt and shame-based value system
that is completely non-Biblical. The Pharisees and Sadducees in Jesus'
days were doing the same and Jesus was far from flattering any of them!
If you are searching for God and want to walk in His footsteps, and
week after week you find yourself being shamed in your own church, you
need to leave! Prayerfully find a church that holds on to the Word of
God and lives out the grace of God, and doesn't just sing about it.
I am aware that those shame-filled churches hold its members firmly
in their grasp by brainwashing them. They tell them that this is the
only true church, and that only their interpretation of Biblical
doctrine will bring about salvation. They insinuate that if you leave
their ranks, you will burn in hell. But this is nonsense! No doctrine
can save us, no criticism will ever bring us closer to God! It's all
about having a personal relationship with our personal Saviour! "Now
this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and
Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." (John 17:3 NIV)
None of us
should live in shame. On the contrary "Anyone who trusts in him will
never be put to shame." (Rom 10:11 NIV)
Where does that
shame-based judgmental attitude come from?
"But while everyone
was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went
away." (Matt 13:25 NIV)
It comes from our enemy, the evil one,
who wants us to be discouraged and hopeless.
Let's shrug off this
kind of criticism and pray for these people, that they may know the
Christ, the One who takes away all guilt, the One who already paid the
price on the cross for us. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for
those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of
the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." (Rom
8:1-2 NIV)
P. S. Talking behind someone's back is quite common in
the world as well. How could it be otherwise?
And all of this
started with a simple sign on my door: Why do you look at the speck of
sawdust in someone else's eye, while you have a telephone pole in your
own eye?
Rob Chaffart