I love my wife so much. Why is it that sometimes we fight?

I think you can all relate. Yes, even those who aren’t married. Sometimes we fight with spouses, yes, but sometimes it is with bosses, best friends, kids, students, neighbours, etc. I have heard of people who never fight with anyone. I so want to be one of those people, but sadly, I am not; and it seems these people are few and far between. Rather, for most of us, all you need to do is name the person in our lives, and you can be guaranteed that at some point, we will probably find ourselves fighting with that person.

The thing is, we all know that fighting is never the right way to go. It never accomplishes anything except to drive a wedge in our relationships. The Bible is clear that this isn’t the right way to go:

1. “Warn them before God against quarrelling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.” (2 Tim. 2:14 NIV)

2. “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.” (2 Tim. 2:23-24 NIV)

3. “An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.” (Proverbs 29:22 NIV)

4. “The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words.” (Proverbs 15:29 NIV)

And that’s only a few examples of Biblical advice about arguing. Why then do we so often find ourselves in arguments? Why do we shun people? Why do we … fight?

The problem is, when the anger creeps in, it works to blot our memories of all the wonderful advice of Scripture. Instead, our sense of “entitlement” kicks in, and the angry words flow. How do we put a brake on this the moment the angry thoughts arise? Before they ever take over our actions, our thoughts and our words?

Only through the help of Jesus. Why not start off each day asking God to help you stop the flow of angry words before they ever start up? Then, when you are tempted to be angry, put your eyes on Jesus instead. Follow His example and His advice:

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.  Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (Matthew 6:27-31 NIV)

And yes, this means even those who deserve your anger! Remember that “iron sharpens iron” (See Prov. 27:17 NIV). Responding in anger, even when the other person is clearly wrong, will only aggravate everything. Much better to bring them flowers and apologize! For when we are good to those who spitefully use us: “In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.” (Proverbs 25:22 NIV)

If you find yourself right in the middle of a disagreement right now, don’t let anything stop you from going and doing everything in your power to make amends. If you are fighting with your wife, bring her flowers! Don’t be too proud to put yourself on your knees before her and ask her forgiveness! If it is your neighbour, try a plate of cookies! If it is your boss, go to him/her and apologize and admit you may have been wrong! Don’t wait. Do it today! “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24 NIV)

In His love,
Rob Chaffart
Director, Answers2Prayer Ministries