In late October of ‘04, I felt really sick inside of myself. I could not stop sinning and I was getting worse. I have been baptized for 13 years now and I have no victory! I didn’t want to live anymore! I got on my knees and tearfully (bawling) prayed to my God, “If I am dying and my death can glorify You or if by my living I can bring glory to Your name, I accept Your decision. Just don’t leave me like this! From this moment on I DIE to my desires and accept your desires in my life. In Jesus holy name I pray, Amen!”
I didn’t recognize an instant change in my mental condition, although looking back, I did have something happen shortly afterward. I even told some family and friends about it. I’m a truck driver. One day I was standing by my rig, with the door open, getting ready to get in. A bee thwacked me right in the forehead just above my nose, dead center forehead. I was so surprised, I looked down and crushed him underfoot. I then realized I wasn’t stung, I got hit just hard enough to hurt (the spot was tender for a few days). I never have liked killing insects for no reason, especially those with purpose, but it happened too fast for me to stop myself. Then I laughed and thought, “It’s probably just God getting my attention”. Praise Him, He got my attention…. I am in the last days of writing and re-writing this letter, and I am now in awe. My God is Jehovah! My God is Perfect!
Each day since giving my life to the Lord has been a walk with my God. I praise Him with my mouth first thing on waking, and praise Him all the day long with my mouth, heart and with my soul. Years ago, I was given a tape with scripture songs on it. I listen to that tape and sing those songs all the day long as I am driving, I have those words “IN” me now, they are a part of me. I now pray to Him morning, noon and night, when in my previous life I hardly said a word, unless maybe I was in church, or things happened I couldn’t control and I needed Him. His Spirit has shown me truth and love I never realized or have overlooked in scripture and in nature. (This was the beginning of a letter I sent to my mother!)
In a later letter to mom I related something that God showed me as I woke in the early A.M. one day….
I see a school bus full of children and everything is in pandemonium. Some of the children are crying. Others are hitting or being hit, kicking, shoving and rowdy.
A lunatic is driving the bus, causing the children to be frightened. He is driving fast and furious, skidding to a halt, taking corners too sharp and fast. He looks angry and lost, with no apparent regard for the safety and well being of the children.
God then impressed on me that all I am is represented in those children on that bus. Fearful, angry, hurting and in need of comfort and love. — He also showed me that I am represented as the bus driver, trying to do what I can, but without compassion, heart or the understanding needed to do more than I am.
My next impression was of that school bus full of happy, healthy, orderly children. No sign of crying, fear or danger.
Joy is on all the faces. Some of the children are gazing out the window, enjoying the ride. Others are steadfastly watching the driver of the bus, sure and steady. It is now Jesus driving.
Jesus says unless we become as little children, we won’t see the Kingdom of God. Now I sit with the other children on the bus and sing songs to God. (I hear this on the 3ABN cable channel program called “Kids Time Praise ”)
Praise Him, Praise Him, all ye little children God is love, God is love Praise Him, Praise Him, all ye little children God is love, God – is – love Also … Behold what manner of love the Father has given unto us, Behold what manner of love the Father has given unto us, That we should be called the sons of God….that we should be called the sons of God!
Now my heart is filled with joy [SEE Gal 5:22,23]. I see that it is God that is doing a good work in me. My job is to have faith in His word and to flee from evil. [See] what Jesus told Nicodemus in the book of John, Ch 3. That regenerating power, which no human eye can see, begets a new life in the soul; it creates a new being in the image of God. If the heart has been renewed by the Spirit of God, the life will bear witness to the fact. The Holy Spirit brings light and transforming power to every soul that is born of the Spirit.
I am a new creation – you can be also!
Joe Padovano hartknocr@yahoo.com