A couple of weeks ago I received an innovative gift from my wife. It was a well-designed, cylindrical apparatus, made out of shiny stainless steel. Not knowing what it really was, the first thing that went through my mind was this: My wife brought me a nuclear bomb!

As it turned out, it was a thermos. During the winter months in Canada, the only drink that even sounds remotely good to me is my favourite kind of herbal tea. But because I had no way of keeping my tea hot at school, this was a luxury I was forced to save for the weekends. My wife, being the observant person she is, understood my dilemma and brought home this “bomb” to resolve my predicament!

The only problem was, it was Saturday. I wouldn’t be able to try out my “nuclear device” until school started on Monday, so like most men would do, I put it aside without even opening it. My wife had other ideas, however, and as we were preparing to leave for church the next day, I was greeted with my new, shiny thermos, full of herbal tea.

“What a great idea!” I thought, and I couldn’t wait to savour its contents at church. Big mistake! Take my advice: never take a thermos you’ve never tried before to church! Or any meetings, for that matter!

We arrived late (This is what happens when you fiddle with nuclear-looking devices before church!) and the only quasi-empty pew was the second one from the front, right behind where the pastors sit. At least I would be able to see well. In fact, the only seat with a better view would have been on my pastor’s lap, which might have been a bit uncomfortable, don’t you think?

We entered the sanctuary in the middle of a dynamic worship service, and by the time we sat down for the sermon to begin, my throat felt like it could really benefit from some of my hot beverage. I twisted off the outer top of my nuclear device, only to find a second top: One with a little white button in the middle. My son, who was watching me intently, suddenly got excited. He reached over and pushed on the little round button in the middle, and a circular ring around the button popped up. “You drink from there!” My son managed to whisper before my wife told him to be quiet.

I looked at that round ring and wondered. It was a bit large to my taste, but, hey, from the many times I have “put my foot in my mouth”, I already knew my mouth was a size 11! I would have no trouble fitting my lips over that ring!

And that’s what I did . . .

But I didn’t get anything in my mouth! Instead liquid was pouring out all sides of my thermos . . . All over . . . ME! In a fraction of a second, my sweater, my pants and even my socks were covered with a brownish, burning-hot liquid! You wouldn’t believe how efficient thermoses are made nowadays!

My son’s eyes almost popped out of his face, and that’s when the full impact of my dilemma hit me: I was dripping herbal tea all over me at the front of church! I was sure that every eye in the sanctuary had just shifted from the pastor to . . . Me! Then I looked up just in time to see my pastor stepping down off of the platform, and walking… directly towards me! Oh no! I tried, rather unsuccessfully, to hide behind my youngest son, but for some reason, he was squirming too much…

Then the pastor stopped right in front of me, reached down under the pew, and withdrew… an axe! Was he planning on cutting off my head? “But…but…” I started to stammer. “It was an honest mistake! Believe me!”

For a brief second, our eyes locked. I tried my best in hiding my herbal tea spots, but there were so many, and since I was still holding my open thermos in one hand, it looked like I was waving my nuclear device at him! I briefly considered asking him if he wanted some tea, but just as I was opening my mouth to do so, he turned around, swinging the axe in my direction, and climbed the steps to the podium.

It didn’t dawn on me for a couple of minutes that he had been preaching about the time when Elisha made the axe-head float; but when it did, I realized that the axe was nothing more than a sermon illustration. Relief flooded my soul, and with it, a sudden vision of myself, covered in brownish spots, an open thermos that resembled a nuclear device in one hand and the other hand waving madly about my body in an attempt to cover my shame. As if I wasn’t already in enough trouble, I burst out laughing, and this time, I didn’t have to imagine all of the eyes in church shifting to me!

Who says church is boring???

As I sat throughout the rest of that sermon, I couldn’t help but take a moment to reflect back on what had just happened. I had to ask myself why I was embarrassed. I mean, the fact that I might have had thousands of people starring at me with open mouths and bulging eyes did nothing to change the fact that I am loved by my King and my King calls me His son! Not only does He promise to always be with me, but He also promises an eternity filled with unfathomable provisions! How could I be anything but excited and exhilarated? I stopped trying to hide my spots. Instead I sat up straight and planted a smile on my face. Let people see the herbal tea stains all over my shirt and pants! These are nothing compared to what my God has and will provide for me! I can stand erect and proud in Jesus! Wow! Thank you Jesus!

“He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Cor 12:9 NIV)

Embarrassed? Frustrated?

Stand erect and smile. You are loved by the King of Kings.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” (Jer 31:3 NIV)

“How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.” (Ps 36:7 NIV)

“I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Cor 6:18 NIV)

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matt 28:20 NIV)

Would you like to borrow my nuclear thermos device? Just let me know when!

And go ahead and stare at my tea stains! They have been taken care of by the King of Kings!

Rob Chaffart

P. S. I would later learn that pushing that little button on my thermos lifted the lid enough to allow me to pour my tea into a cup. Not into my mouth! My advice, don’t ever try to take your first drink from a brand-new thermos, especially if it is designed like a nuclear device, when you are sitting in the second row at church! You can’t be guaranteed that it won’t explode on you!