Dealing With Grief

by | May 24, 2004 | Death, Grief

Shay moved home soon after Ky’s death. It was such a blessing to have him with me but now I could see the grief in his eyes and as well as those of his father. We were hurting! It would not go away for any of us. It was there and it was real. I wanted to comfort my boys and my husband and I didn’t know how.

I realized one day how I was pushing my loved ones away. I didn’t understand myself.

Then Shay said to me, “Mom I know what you are doing, if you push us away then if something happens to one of us, it won’t hurt so badly.”

Oh no, I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to hurt my family. They were hurting just like me over our loss. Finally we came to a point that we could talk about Ky. We could talk about our feelings. My sons and husband realized we needed to talk to each other and share what we were feeling.

I remember the night that I realized my husband and I were just sitting and staring out in space or at the television, not saying a word to each other. I realized that this terrible hurt was tearing us apart as a couple. I knew I could not bear to lose my husband.

I said, “honey you have to talk to me”.

He began to share his feelings with me; he had not been doing so because he did not want me to hurt more. He was a runner and he told me that as he ran by the spot where Ky died, he talked to him. He knew Ky would not be talking back to him but he felt better by expressing his feelings in this way. Then I knew that my husband was as torn to pieces as I was. I knew I must reach out to him and to love him through his pain. I wasn’t the only one hurting.

Knowing I did not want to push anyone of my loved ones out of my life, I began to share my hurts with them and they did with me. I cannot say if this helped the pain or not but it kept us close as a family. It took more than a year for us to be able to say, “I remember being here with Ky”. Everywhere we looked we could think of a time that he had been there with us. It is still very hard to get picture albums out of the closet and go through the pictures of vacations and special occasions that we shared as a family.

Through this tragedy, I turned to God like never before. It seemed that after the funeral, my friends did not know what to say to us. I felt so alone in my pain. Only a couple of friends even came to see us. The church family did not know what to do for us, so Ky was not mentioned nor was our grief. If I could say anything to church leadership it would be to have an ongoing support group ministry for the grieving. George and I needed help so we turned to a support group outside our church family. It was not Christ centered and the people there did not know what to say to us either. They had become friends over a period of meeting together for three years. They were at the point they could laugh and enjoy the meeting. They just rehashed the past three years every week. I left as empty as I was when I came. I knew then that all I needed was God.

I got into His word as soon as I ate my breakfast every day. Sometimes I would spend an entire day just reading the Bible and talking to Him. It got to the point that I could feel his presence like he was sitting in the room with me. I loved it! I felt comforted. My God was so real to me. I had often given my testimony at churches and I was asked to share my testimony at the Naval Air Station. I had spoken there before but this time I said no. Months later I was asked again and I felt the Lord was telling me to share about Ky. I did! Because I shared my pain, I had many people come to me and share their grief. God has used my testimony in ways that I never thought possible. If you are grieving today, don’t worry about people meeting the emptiness that you feel, turn to our Lord Jesus for the only real comfort available. He will never leave you nor forsake you. I know that he counted every tear that I shed and will continue to shed. May God bless you, as He has my precious family and me, as you go through this day, regardless of how you are hurting.

Berthelson, Sarah, He Guides my Path. Dairfax: Xulon Press, 2002, p. 107-110 99.

Sarah’s Books “He Guides My Path” and “Just Jesus” may be purchased at: Barnes And, and or from If purchased from Sarah they are $15.00 for both books. This is what she pays for them. Just send your address to her. Sarah’s desire is for all to know the Lord Jesus Christ in a personal way.


Dealing With Grief