Bill Love tells the story of a psychiatrist, an engineer, and a doctor who got lost in the Canadian woods. Stumbling onto a trapper’s cabin but getting no response at the door, they went inside for shelter – and to wait for the fellow to return.

In the corner, sitting on a crude platform at waist level, was a wood-burning stove. It quickly became not only the focus of interest for their half-frozen bodies but the center of their conversation as well.

The psychiatrist explained the stove’s unusual positioning as evidence of the trapper’s psychological problems brought on by isolation. The engineer, on the other hand, saw it as an ingenious form of forced-air heating. The physician surmised the man had arthritis and found it too painful to bend over to put wood into his stove.

When the trapper finally arrived, they could not resist asking him about his stove whose warmth they had enjoyed. “Simple,” said the man. “My stove pipe is too short.”

I wasn’t along for that hunting trip, but I’ve been where those guys were that day. I’ve tried to read someone’s mind. I’ve seen motives that weren’t there. I’ve walked into situations, caught a snatch of what was happening or being said, and made a fool of myself by some inappropriate reaction. Or I’ve used a perfectly innocent statement or slip of the tongue as my excuse for taking offence. I can really be a jerk sometimes!

On occasion the victim has been my secretary. At other times, it was a friend from church or colleague at work. Most often, it has been my wife or one of our children.

Communication is a wonderful thing – when it happens. But there are so many barriers. Each of us brings baggage to every situation. Words can be vague or carry very different nuances for people of dissimilar backgrounds. Then there are the prejudices and blind spots all of us have.

Lots of confusion will be eliminated and far more progress made this week by following this simple rule: When something isn’t clear, ask. Don’t assume. Don’t guess. Don’t gamble. Swallow your pride and say, “I’m not sure I understand. Do you mind explaining?”

This simple strategy could save you embarrassment, time, and money. More important still, it might even save some of your life’s most important relationships.

Rubel Shelly The FAX of Life