My fingers literally flew over the keys. I had set myself a deadline for finishing my novel, and I was well on my way to meeting it. Then, with a touch of a button, my screen froze, the hard drive crashed, and I was forced to watch weeks of work disappear forever.
It didn’t take long for the knot of horror in the pit of my stomach to blossom into my old feelings of insecurity and doubt. This 500 page piece of Christian fiction, my first attempt at writing, had already consumed thousands of hours of my time, and the amount of money I had spent on printer cartridges and paper was more than I cared to calculate. I convinced myself that the computer crash was a “sign” from God that I should stop wasting my time and money. After all, who was I to write a publishable novel, anyway? I was unknown, I had no formal training in writing, and I wasn’t forward enough to solicit my own work. But this story had become a part of me, and the thought of giving it up was devastating. “Lord,” I cried, “if there is any chance that I have heard You wrong, that I am to finish this novel, please send me a sign!”
My husband, who as yet knew nothing of the computer crash or my internal turmoil, suddenly began raving about my writing. He said that I had a real gift for making words come alive on paper, and he told me how important it was that I finish what I had begun.
I should have seen his words as a message from God, but I didn’t. It wasn’t the least bit uncommon for him to try and encourage me, and I convinced myself that his natural bias discounted his opinion. As I turned my attention to my daily chores, however, all I could think about was how much time I had wasted and how unfair God was for not “blessing” and “protecting” something that I was doing for Him.
Then Dina came into the room with a Bible in her hand and the most radiant smile on her face. I should have immediately recognized that something unusual was about to happen. Dina had come to our family a few months earlier professing atheism, and although she had since accepted Jesus as her Savior, she had never shown any real interest in reading her Bible. But I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to notice anything out of the ordinary, and my greeting was barely friendly: “How are you, Dina?”
Her response, though enthusiastic, was somewhat out of character: “Wonderful!”
“Did you sleep well?” I quarried, trying to make polite conversation. It wouldn’t do for her to know about my inner confusion . . ..
Her grin grew even broader as she nearly shouted: “No!”
Something was finally beginning to strike me as strange. “Why not?” I asked.
“Because I’ve been reading, and I have something I want to share with you!” Her eyes sparkled mischievously as she proceeded to read: “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE WORK OF GOD, the Maker of all things. SOW YOUR SEED IN THE MORNING, AND AT EVENING LET NOT YOUR HANDS BE IDLE, FOR YOU DO NOT KNOW WHICH WILL SUCCEED, WHETHER THIS OR THAT, OR WHETHER BOTH WILL DO EQUALLY WELL.”
Sensing the presence of the Holy Spirit in the room, I nearly snatched the Bible from her hands: Ecclesiastes 11:5,6! I ran for my own Bible, and tearing it open, I read it through twice: “SOW YOUR SEED IN THE MORNING, AND AT EVENING LET NOT YOUR HANDS BE IDLE . . .”
Dina stared in wonder as I started to cry. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
“You—don’t—know how—this message—is important—to me right now!” I stumbled around my tears.
She beamed “Oh, yes, I do! When I read that text, something told me I had to share it with you!”
We hugged and cried, and then I told God how sorry I was for doubting Him.
I learned a lesson that day that I would never forget. I learned that not every negative thing that happens is a “sign” from God, but rather, it is often the other side working to discourage me. I learned that I must keep my heart in tune with God at all times, and I must trust Him with every part of my life. Only then will I recognize His voice when I hear it, only then will I know His signs when I see them, and only then will I know what He wants me to do.
As for my novel? It was never published. A few select friends and family members read it, however, and when the manuscript spearheaded a chair of events that led one of them to Christ, I realized that all the time, effort, and money that had gone into the project were worthwhile.
I still occasionally ask myself why God went to such lengths to convince me to finish a manuscript for just one person. I have learned, however, that I will never be able to define God’s ways by human standards. I have also learned that every second and penny that goes into helping someone find Christ is time and money well spent!
“WHATEVER YOUR HAND FINDS TO DO, DO IT WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT” Eccl. 9:10.
Lyn Chaffart